Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Who will be Top Chef

What a great night for television. First, back to back Bigfoot episodes on Monster Quest which is definite must see TV. Followed by the season 5 premier of Top Chef.

Before we get into Top Chef, can someone please provide proof of the existence of Bigfoot. I don't care if you have to shoot one or if a tree hugger puts one through the window of their Outback, just get me a body. I like the good dreams I have about Bigfoot. I find him in the woods caught in some hillbilly trap, I get him loose, he befriends me and we become BFF's. I buy him 4x Bobcat gear, take him to Missoula where he breaks Bobbie Hauck over his knee like a piece of dry kindling. Its a good dream.

I don't like the one where I find him in the woods and he's pissed off because some tree hugger killed his mate with an Outback. Nightmare.

Top Chef is good television. Two words about Top Chef. Padma Lakshmi. Yeah baby, that's what I'm talkin bout. Padma was married to Salma Rushdie. You've got to be kidding me. I guarantee that if she was with him and I walked into the room she would kick him in the nuts and say "thanks for the memories". The best part is that she knows nothing of Malta so I have someone brand new to tell my stories to.

I like Tom because he reminds me of myself. He criticizes from the heart and wants you to learn. He's a kinder gentler version of me. I also admire him because he sits next to Padma at the judges table and I've never seen him once try to look down her shirt. He's a better man than I.

Here's the link of the judges and this year's contestants.

Its tough to get a feel for who really is good when there are this many contestants. But I can tell you who I don't like. The three on my radar are Jeff, Danny and Jamie. Jeff is a pretty boy who is more worried about his hair than his cooking, Danny is lousy New Yorker and has that NY attitude and Jamie is from the isle of Lesbos with the tattoos and attitude to match.

The ones to keep your eye on are Stefan, Leah and Hosea. I just have a feeling.

The first elimination challenge was to peel apples with a knife. They all start whining about how hard that is and how they usually use a peeler. Give me a frikkin break. I could peel apples faster with my Old Timer pocket knife. Their chefs for krysakes. I'd have won this challenge in about 38 seconds.

Here's an exchange if I'm on Top Chef.

Tom: So, what have you prepared for us?

Me: I have a cube steak soaked in egg with a corn meal crust with french cut Greengiant green beans cooked with Velveeta. Enjoy

Tom: That is fucking awesome! Chicken fried steak! Chip, you're immune until the championship round.

Me: Thank you chef. Padma, lets blow this Popsicle stand.

Padma: You are so much the duke.

Me: I know.

So long story short, Stefan is your overall winner tonight. Patrick and Lauren head home which sucked cause Lauren is easy to look at.

I don't see any real overall douchbags yet except Danny and the dyke. Jeff really isn't a DB. I think I can take him in a fight. It will be another exciting season. Wednesday has meaning once again.

1 comment:

The Prodigy said...

Tom is an "equal opportunity offender"