Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Random thoughts #3

Things that cross my mind while wondering why women don't think like men. After all we are the same species and men are really simple.

Do women think that their turn signals will burn out from overuse? Is that why they refuse to use them? Hint: there is no such thing as "blinker fluid" and it's the lever on the left side of the steering column in every vehicle. Up means you're turning right, down means you're turning left. It's quite simple and extremely helpful to your fellow drivers. Not even trying to be sexist. It's a statistical fact that women don't know there is such a device. You can look it up.

If bald is so sexy, why aren't more women giving me their number? Does it have anything to do with the above statement? No. Can't be true.

If you're going to wait to put your vehicle in four-wheel drive until after you go in the ditch, do the rest of us a favor and go suck on a .357 magnum. Please.

According to my brother Bill, the secret to good chili is cumin.

Rush Limbaugh did a parody about Barack Obama to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon". Now, this might not be news to some of you but I only recently heard of this. The liberal media is of course very upset about this. Hmmmmmmmmm. The Senate Majority Leader called the president "a loser". Our president is constantly compared to Hitler, there is a movement to have him tried for war crimes after his term ends, democrats leaked classified information to the New York Times that put our troops in harms way and aided terrorists, CBS falsified documents to try to swing an election and the liberal media is up set about this? Now, I'm not saying that every liberal is a yellow-spined faggot who would sell out their own mother to save themselves, but the one's that aren't are as common as the Northern hairy-nosed Wombat. Look that up yourself.

If we keep allowing liberals and academics to limit the way we talk through political correct speech, we just as well learn Russian, carry pictures of Stalin in our wallets and address each other as "comrade".

Its been said that those who can't do teach and that teaching is the easiest degree to obtain in college. Now, I have an education degree and it was easy but my ed classes were far more difficult than any political science courses were. So this begs the question: is having a PhD in political science the same as having an associates degree in art? Yes, I think it is.

Speaking of easy degrees. Political science is easy but what about journalism? Is there a more worthless degree than journalism? The profession has no pride, no ethics, no scruples, no integrity no, well you get the picture. When you look at the people who have journalism "degrees" and their levels of intelligence you can't help but wonder if this isn't a direct result of the ADA.

Speaking of journalists, why do we need women in football? They bring nothing to the game. I like Erin Andrews as much as the next guy, she's scorching hot, but when was the last time you heard anyone say anything about her reporting? When was the last time you were watching a football game and learned something about the game from her that you didn't already know? Exactly. I can turn my television to a number of channels to see hot women, when I'm watching football, I want to see the game and learn more about it. Its not asking for much.

I am becoming more impressed by our president-elect every day. His level of narcissism makes Bill Clinton look humble. PT Barnum was right and there are 50 million votes to prove it.

Tom Cruise is in a new movie. I can't remember the name but I think it translates from German into English as "The shortest Nazi".

I went to "Marley and Me" the other day. Don't go if you have a dog. The sniffling begins with about 30 minutes left and the lady sitting next to be was crying her eyes out at the end. You can tell a really sad movie by when the house lights come on and the house lights didn't come on after this. Not during the credits, not until the last person left. Makes "Old Yeller" look like a classic comedy.

The other problem for me with seeing this movie is that my dog is almost 14. Every night that I've come home since seeing the movie she's just been laying on the couch. She's not eating until late at night and it's freaking me out. I feel like Grogan when he said to Marley "you'll let me know, won't you buddy?" I hope my dog lets me know.

My dad didn't think he would live to see a black (or arab, whatever) president. He didn't. He died 14 years ago. Okay, I stole that last bit from Holy Taco but it's damn funny.

I heard something very interesting the other day. It goes something like this. When you love the leader of your country more than your country, be very careful. People who will swear oaths to men over their country will do everything to protect then man even if it means the demise of the nation he leads. Do you hear this you ignorant bastards who call Barry "The Messiah?" I hope he is successful but those people who get weak kneed, faint, and are "moved" by his presence need to get Dr. Kervorkian's number. They are complete losers and have no worth to society. None.

I'm going to miss the Alabama game on Friday. Michigan is in town to wrestle Oregon State and I don't get to see big time wrestling live like this. I don't have TiVo or a DVR so I'll just have to watch the highlights. Its pissing me off.

Take the Chargers over the Colts this weekend. Just a hunch, but I think San Diego has there number.

Is anyone else as happy as I am about the current situation in Dallas? Is Jerry Jones the biggest asshat in pro sports? If he isn't, then please tell me who is. He is trying to be the Steinbrenner of the NFL. The problem is baseball and football are entirely different when it comes to egos. Baseball has tons of them as well, but in baseball you'll always get your at bats and your chances in the field so this keep egos happy. Football has too many guys who want the ball and not enough plays and chances to go around. It relies for more on chemistry and teamwork than baseball ever will and if a team doesn't have it, like Dallas, then they will forever be underachievers. Couldn't happen to a bigger bunch of assholes as far as I'm concerned.

I haven't blogged about "Top Chef" for a while but the quick update is that the dickhead from New York (redundant I know) is gone and the caterer lady from Jersey has elevated her game. Winning a couple of immunity challenges and two competitions. The two Euros are still doing well but Fabio has slipped a little. Stefan is still the man to beat. He's in the best group week after week and is doing it with one hand tied to his apron. We'll see what the new year brings. He's even money right now.

Would someone please call Bobbie Hauck and tell him he got his ass kicked and couldn't beat Richmond if he played them 1000 times. Honestly, is there a worse loser in all of college sports than this prick? I've been following sports for over 30 years at a bunch of different levels and have never seen a worse sport than him. Amazing.

Thank God for autosave.

One of my new years resolutions is to eat a little healthier. More chicken, less red meat. Another is to become a better blogger.

Speaking of the blog, it wouldn't kill any of you to click on an ad once in awhile. You don't have to buy anything but I might actually get paid for this and after all, isn't it always about me?

Happy New Year.


5Wood said...

Sadly all that good info and yet nothing on the rise of the Dolphins and how Chad Pennington, ( who I believe someone in August proclaimed would be the best move the Dolphins have made in 10 years) crammed it in the New York Jets face last week. And the great Savior in the Green #4 laid yet another egg and finished back to back seasons with a pick as his last pass. Oh and by the way, if his shoulder was really burt that bad as he claimed after the game then sit down and break your streak you ego maniac so your team can make the playoffs. Instead the streak is intact and it cost Mangini his job and the Jets the playoffs. I'm sure he'll be back next season cause Peytons foot steps are getting louder in the back ground so he has to pad all those individual stats as much as he can.

The Prodigy said...

I clicked on an ad. Hope that helps. Not sure how I managed to navigate thru the multiple clicks with my Political Science Degree. I didn't realize I should have aspired to own an Art Gallery. And believe me I don't want to attempt Chili.

Milk River Madman said...

Sorry Timmer, wasn't a shot at you. I forgot that you graduate with a poly sci BS. With your great eye for art you could have a gallery though.