Saturday, August 6, 2011

The End of the Argument

Malta is the Center of the Universe.  I say that now and always will. For more affirmation you can watch this.
It's pretty much magnificent (the video I mean).  I'd say more but humility is getting in the way.  Here's my story.  i was sending my brother's kids their birthday presents.  I went to the UPS Store with the girls' dolls (poop and pee babys "Uncle Chip. We want poop and pee babys.)  Now, when you have twin nieces, you have to send every package separately.

The young man behind the counter had a name tag that read "Jake".  "Where are these going?" He asked. I gave him the address and said Malta 59538.  He starts to type into the computer and looks at me and asks "Are you from Malta?"  "Yes I am" I replied, "Are you?"  "No, but my family is from there."   "Really, who are they?" I asked. He told me his grandparents and said their name. "I'm Maynard's oldest grandson."  I looked at him and asked "Which of his kids are you from?"  He answered "Renee".  I just swelled up and said "I went to first Communion with your mom. I've known her my entire life.  She is a doll."  I had just got off the phone with Ralph. I told young Jake, "I was just talking to a guy whose dad was best friends with your grandfather." I called Ralph to tell him that the man handling my packages was Renee's son.

That's how it works. When you say you're from Malta you get those questions.

So here's the deal.  When someone asks any of you where you're from, just tell them you're from Malta. When they throw out a name, just tell them you know Chip.  Well, if they're over fourty you can say that. If they're younger than that, then to hell with em. GET OFF MY LAWN!!


The Prodigy said...

The question is how many other Men have handled your package?

The Prodigy said...

Sorry dude... It was way too easy.

Anonymous said...

You pretty much said what i could not effectively communicate. +1

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Pam said...

I totally understand it ... but you are wrong, OKC is center of the universe. And if you are from my side of town, similar things happen. Everyone is connected somehow, and no it is not inbreeding.

moi said...

Nah, nah. It's Albuquerque. Living here is like playing Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

But the next time someone in Montana asks me where I'm from, I'll throw out the whole Malta/Chip thing to see just how far I can take it.

Milk River Madman said...

pushing banishment.

Funny, when I look at the map of the universe, Malta is right in the middle.

Let me know how that turns out. You might not be able to pull off being from Malta with that accent. Bwhahahahah

Aunty Belle said...

That wuz fun, , MRM. Heh...were we eveah truly really young onc't?

Oh, jes' cain't wait to tell somebody I'se got roots in Malta--that Chip be may go to fella fer all thangs Montana, an' I made First Communion wif Renee. (Hey Renee!)

MRM, happy to see life seems to be treatin' ya decent. Jes' wish it'd free up some blog time fer ya' : )