Friday, June 12, 2009

Becoming a liberal

I have decided to abandon my conservative principles and embrace liberalism. Although it will be hard to walk away from an ideology based on facts and objectivity to join one founded upon hypocrisy and government dependence, I can no longer look myself in the mirror and feel good. An abortion doctor was murdered by some nut and his assassination rates just behind that of Kennedy and Lincoln in importance. I’ve read with great interest the letters to the editor mourning this noted baby killer and must side with the feminist movement. I mean to listen to people like Katie Cady, an abortion doctor is killed almost every day and they are as important to society as real doctors who try to cure people. I think 6 have been killed in the years since Roe v. Wade. 49 million abortions have been performed since then and Ms. Cady makes it sound like they were all performed because of stepfathers raping their twelve year old daughters. While I’m sure this isn’t the case, now that I am a liberal I won’t let things like facts get in my way. I’ll just scream and call people names because that is how we debate. Facts be damned.

The good news is I have a terrific idea for the pro-abortion crowd. They want abortion on demand and I say we step it up a notch and push for abortion by force.

Here’s how it works. Every time any woman gets pregnant, she must pass a psychological exam that determines whether or not she is mentally fit to raise a child. If, by our liberal definition of “fit” she fails, the baby is aborted. If she is fit, she must pass part two. This is where we determine if she can financially raise the child. I’m thinking she must be able qualify for a $300,000.00 loan at 5% for 25 years. Her husband’s income, if she has one, cannot be counted. After all, real liberal women don’t need men and it’s the woman’s “right to choose” so in all fairness, it should be her responsibility to financially support the child. I realize that this may seriously effect part of our voting base but it’s only a matter of time before minorities and the poor figure out that we don’t really care about them and that we just use them for votes and cushy government jobs. Let’s be honest, if we as liberals did care, our leadership would do more than donate used underwear to the Salvation Army for the tax write off.

It will be a difficult road for me to embrace the religion of abortion and liberalism in general. I guess I have to renounce my Christian beliefs as well as conservative ones. I don’t get the whole “our children are the most important part of our future but lets kill them in the womb if we get the chance” mentality of liberalism but if I wanted to question a belief system and not be publicly crucified I’d stay a conservative.

So there you have it my new friends. If you think this idea is good wait until you hear what I want to do with the sick and elderly. Two words: Soilent Green. So where do I sign up and when’s the next meeting?

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