Thursday, January 29, 2009

Top Chef: Six is the limit.

Am I the next Nostradamus?

So at the beginning of last nights episode I had a premonition that Jeff would be gone.

Carla begins by saying she is better than she is, Leah reminding us that she can't hold her booze and Stefan oozing confidence.

The quickfire challenge was based on superbowl squares. The vertical column was one kind of ingredient and the horizontal column was oats. That's right. Oats. A stupid challenge with no immunity for winning. I will say though that this was a perfect opportunity for someone to make a chicken fried steak using crushed oats. A chance not taken yet again.

Jeff does his usual too much food and not enough time and it's becoming more apparent every week that Fabio does not respond to criticism well. Anyway, all the food is crusted in oats. Leah proves yet again that she can't cook fish and Stefan wins the quickfire which surprises no one with an IQ above room temperature.

The elimination challenge is some kind of all-star competition. The current contestants against contestants from the previous four seasons. Jeff's hair is Gary without the "r" and Carla continues to annoy me to the point of wanting to bury her in the forest somewhere. If Carla goes on to win the entire competition, which she won't, but if she does she should take 1o grand of the prize money and have a first class boob job. That and a haircut and some new glasses.

Padma is HOT in her referee's uniform. Yowza! Put her on the list of future wives.

Padma: "Personal foul on The Duke. Undressing the judge with his eyes. Penalty is nudging me for breakfast in the morning and it will be accessed after the kickoff." wink wink.

Me: "You naughty, naughty girl."

So the battles begin. Each contestant goes head to head with one of the previous seasons contestants, judges vote on the winners and so do five tasters from some culinary school. Season 5 contestants who lose to the all-stars face elimination.

I'm not going to break down each matchup. I got up kind of early to write this as I was too lazy to do it last night. The TC New York team wins but Stefan is facing elimination. Hosea is an ass and I'm rooting against him for the rest of the competition.

Jeff, pack up your knives, your faggy haircut, and what's left of your manhood (if there was any to begin with ) and hit the road. I think I had Jeff at 6-1 too. I've been waiting for him to really show me something. What he showed me is that some chick from Miami is a better cook, better football player and someone I'd prefer to see naked.

Did I mention that I predicted Jeff would be gone? I am brilliant.

Another week with Carla and Jaime. Just listening to Carla makes me want to hammer a screwdriver in my ear canal. Oh, last week I predicted a man would be gone as well. Its three against three and its time for a chick to go. A woman out of the kitchen? What am I saying?

3 comments:

TROLL said...

Excellent recap. Much better than mine as I was so disgusted I missed a few things.

Miami Chick is "Josie", a fan-favorite from Season Two, I think.
She got beat-up fairly badly at a night-club in Lawn Guyland last year. New Yorkers are animals.

I'm sure she kick Jeff's ass though.

5Wood said...

I hate that you got me hooked on this shit!!!!! Just what I needed another way to waste time.

5Wood said...

After 8 hrs of this monotony on Saturday, I feel I am finally up to speed. And also conviced that Padma if not already will soon be added to the future Mrs. Gibbs list.