Thursday, January 22, 2009

Top Chef, and then there were seven

A woman will not win this thing. Why? Because they're insane.
Last night on Top Chef the event was the annual restaurant wars. A great event wherein the two quickfire winners get to select their own team, name a restaurant, give it a theme, decorate it and choose a menu they will serve. Leah and Rhadika were the two winners. Both of them showed two things last night, neither are ready to run their own joint and neither can handle the pressure they are almost sure to feel as the season progresses towards the championship. Make it three times. Both would rather lose than pick Stefan. A lack of intelligence which almost proves that they vote democrat.

Rhadika showed she has all the organizational skills and warming personality to host a restaraunt as a spider monkey. Leah proved that trying to make out with Hosea the night before one of the biggest competitions of the season tends to take away your focus. She spent most of the next day worrying about getting the Aunt Jemima treatment from him then she did focusing on her cooking.

Rhadika made the worst mistake of either of them. Given first choice to pick her team, she chosen the carney tattooed swashbukling dyk that is Jaime. Leah quickly followed suit by letting her loins do the choosing in selecting Hosea first. Hmmm, the best chef on the show is still Stefan and no one picks him? Further proof that logic seems non existent with this species. Stefan is chosen last. LAST! Are you shitting me? The guy that hasn't even sniffed elimination is left to last because "he's arrogant". Listen dumbasses, it's all about winning. They guy has the most experience, creativity and confidence of anyone on the show. You chicks in your 20's need to get your heads out of your asses and think about that next time.

So the wars are on, themes and menu's are chosen.

Rhadika pisses down both legs as hostess. Jeff cooks an OK meal, Jaime's soup is good and Carla's desert tastes like feet.

Over at Leah's, Hosea does well with the short ribs and Fabio is fanfuckingtastic as a host. Leah, the owner of the restaurant, cooks fish that the judges wont finish. It's so bad they won't even finish the meal. Now, I might not be the best cook. When Shake and Bake is a house specialty, its hard to make that claim, but I've never had anyone send my food back.

Enter Stefan's dessert. It saved the meal and absolutely blew the judges away. These are people that respect a good dessert but don't give it as much weight as the rest of the meal. This, along with Fabio's hosting ability, wins the competition for Leah and keeps her from being eliminated because if her team loses she's gone faster than a beer at a hotdog eating contest.

Here's the lesson. If you get a chance to pick a teammate, pick Stefan. He's head and shoulders above the rest, confident and if you listen to him he'll make sure you win along with him. Get it?

Carla continues to avoid elimination which is absolutely mind shocking. Her dessert wasn't as good as a dilly bar from DQ and she still gets to stay.

Rhadika, pack up your knives and go. I had you going at 25-1 and didn't expect you to leave for a couple more weeks. BTW, lose the dress you were wearing last night. You're pretty hot but that dress looked liked you bought it at Chicago Tent and Awning. The judges continue to send home the attractive women while letting the ugos stay on for much undeserved screen time.

I don't know what will happen next week. I have even money on a man going home as they outnumber the chicks now. Call it a hunch.

1 comment:

TROLL said...

Excellent recap! And, yes, both Leah and Radish-Head are clearly obama-zombie democrats.