Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Handicapping the 9 finalists on "Top Chef" part 1

This is it people. The final nine fry cooks on Bravo's "Top Chef" and I'm going to give you the odds on where to put your money. This of course is not how they will fair as Bravo does more elimination by gender then cooking ability but if they disregard gender then this is definitely an accurate description of the odds. Let me remind you that Gail is not on the show anymore this season. Something to do with getting married, blah, blah blah. Its too late Gail. The damage is done. The really hot girls were eliminated early with your help as you were to threatened by their beauty to judge their ability accurately. Padma is not threatened by any woman, unlike you Gail, who should be judging fast food and not world class cuisine.

This is Carla. I originally had her at a gazillion to one to win this competition but have since lowered those odds to 200-1. I'm not going to get into bios, what they do and where they're from, I'm just going to give you the lowdown as I've seen it with my keen yet so objective eye and what I've seen is that Carla can't cook and shouldn't be in the final nine. She's a nice lady yada yada. She hasn't won a single quickfire or elimination challenge. Her food is boring and uninspired and I hate her hair. 200-1.

This Jaime. She has lots of tattoos. She is a mean spirited wench and a lesbian. She's not a very good cook either. She has won one elimination challenge and no quickfires. She is abrasive, thinks she knows everything and I'm sure they will keep her on the show just for her attitude which will be a travesty. Quick sidebar: there are five women and four men left. The top four highest handicaps according to me are all women so we will see if the judges agree or if they let ratings dictate their decisions. Oh wait, its TV. Never mind. Anyway I have Jaime at 100-1. Nice pants

This is Leah. This is a very flattering picture of her. She's above average looking but this picture makes her look closer to a 10, which she isn't, then the 7 that she is. I have her at 75-1 but she could easily be 10-1. She's won an elimination challenge and two quickfires but something tells me that as this competition gets tougher with more pressure she is going to fold up like an ironing board at a dry cleaners. I just made that up. Pretty clever huh? She has a thing for Hosea and I'm sure she wants to give him some of her home cookin. Bada bump bump. 75-1.

This is Rhadika. She's a cute little chef of Indian (the country in Asia) descent. Rhadika has won each a quickfire and an elimination challenge but is always in the hunt at the end of the day. She has a little more originality then the above. She's calm under pressure has enough charm to win you over and takes criticism well. I have her at 25-1 but she could be 10-1 or better if the competition at the top of the ladder wasn't so stiff.

This is Hosea. I have him at 6-1. He's won two elimination challenges and one quickfire. He's a self taught chef which is pretty cool. Like Rhadika, he's original and pretty calm under pressure. One of the elimination challenges he won was after a fridge door had been left open and he had to redo his portion of the competition. The rest of the group helped him (I think Rhadika was also effected) but he really pulled it together to win that round. Because he hasn't had formal training, his thinking is really outside the box. 6-1.

Well, there's the first five who should be gone. Its not whether they leave in order, the purpose of this is to let you know who is going to win and I think I have a good idea so stay tuned for part 2.

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