Monday, January 19, 2009

New Tom Cruise movie

19 Inch Inseam: The Tom Cruise Story

CGI - Rumor has it that Vern Troyer has been slated to star in the biopic of Tom Cruise entitled "19 inch inseam: The Tom Cruise Story." Troyer, best known for his role as Minime in the Austin Powers series, is said to be thrilled at the opportunity.

"Obviously this is a once in a lifetime chance. To play Tom in a movie of this magnitude is what every actor dreams of."
Cruise is also said to be happy with the choice.

"Vern is a close personal friend and he has also promised to convert to Scientology as part of the deal which also makes me quite thrilled."

Vern Troyer (seperated at birth from Cruise?)

Also said to be in the hunt to play Cruise was Danny Woodburn. Woodburn, best known for his role as Mickey on the "Seinfeld" series is reported to have turned down the role.

"I'm not a fan of Tom's body of work," Woodburn stated. "He plays the same guy in every movie, his range is limited and his movies are all the same. They suck."

Woodburn turning down this role is a bit of irony as it was Woodburn who was originally cast as Maverick in "Top Gun".

"It was too homo-erotic for me," said Woodburn. "Standing around in your tighty whiteys, almost making out with Val Kilmer. Thanks but no thanks."

More irony with this film is that it helped make Tom Cruise a superstar. It was also one of the last movies he made that actually showed a profit as Cruise's box office power has slipped considerably the past several years.

"He's a heightener," states Woodburn. "He's never been proud to be who he is. If it wasn't for lifts and fake camera angles, he couldn't get a spot as a stand in on the "Wizard of Oz"'.

"Looks like the University of Illinois."

The movie is scheduled to begin shooting the first week of February with a release date of May 10th.

"It shouldn't take to long to film a movie about Cruise's successful movies," said Troyer. "That's another reason I took the role. We won't be on the set or location very much."

Also being considered was legendary actor Billy Barty. Barty did not respond to an interview as he died in 2000.

Billy Barty in happier times as he wasn't dead yet


rr256 said...

Bar Har Har Har.... Har Har!

(Except for the movies, I hate Hollywood)

Milk River Madman said...

Who, in their right mind, doesn't hate hollywood. Thanks Double R.