Our wonderful friend Boxer has enough to do right now without having to come up with theme's for MCW so I'm still trying my best. This week's theme is worst remake. I stuck with domestic remakes. You know, movies made in America and then butchered again by no talent hacks. But that's just me.
I'm not gonna lie to ya. This was a tough one. I don't go to the movies enough to have scene (see what I did there?) very many remakes so I may have out thought myself with the choice of a category. In the last 15 years, if not longer, Hollywood has lost all of its creativity. Thus all the remakes. The shitty, shitty remakes.
Acting is not hard. All it is, is pretending to be someone else. Are some people better at it than others? Of course, but hey, I'm quite positive there are people reading this that can act great. The thing with Hollywood is that you have to be ultra good looking for the most part or you wont even be considered for the roll. How the hell does Ben Affleck keep getting work?! It's not because he's talented. Do you think Kathy Bates would ever get the nod for There's something about Mary? Me either. George Clooney wouldn't have a job sprinkling sawdust on a tilt-o-whirl if he didn't look like he did.
But back to the remakes. Man this was hard. I don't go to movies so I don't see remakes. I hate to say this but I had to google "worst remakes" just for some ideas. Here's a list I found. I've seen one movie on there. One. I don't consider The Departed a remake. It is actually just stealing from another continent. Fucking hollywood. Anyway, I saw Planet of the Apes. It sucked. So there's one of ten from that list.
Here's another list .Notice the similarities in the movies that are on it. See, it's not just me who is noticing how horrible these are and yet hollywood is unfazed. Like liberal's who are convinced that every problem can be solved with government interference and tax increases, Hollywood continues to think that their remakes are better than the originals.
I was stumped. Then, thanks to google, I found one that I had seen and was totally disappointed in. A cult classic for me and all my homeys from the mid-Malta hood. Clash of the Titans. We all dug the original. Harry Hamlin was a good Perseus and Burgess Meredith ("He'll kill you to death inside of three rounds Rock!!") was a great sidekick. Good special effects for the day.
The new one. Well, first, it was in 3-D which should be outlawed. Then, all the actors had a case of the mumbles. Special effects were way over the top. Story line sucked. If you're going to ruin a completely good movie, at least give me some full frontal. I think I'd rather get the clap then sit through this again. Here's the original trailer.
Here's a trailer to the pile of dung that cost me $11.00. The video is so shitty it even came with it's own commercial. Pathetic. From the clip "One day somebody's gonna have to make a stand. One day somebodys gonna have to say enough." I hope he's talking about remakes. Here's a great link to a movie review by a group called 3_KILLA_BYTES it's worth the watch. Strong language and sexual content.
Karate Kid just came out! I can't hardly wait to see it *dripping sarcasm. Oh, if the Coen Brothers totally ruin True Grit I'm all for putting a bounty on them. Just sayin.
Next week's theme is "Who got screwed out of an Oscar". I'm leaving it wide open. If you think every other movie got screwed when Gladiator won then pick the movie and why. Or if you think Ben Kingsley's win in Ghandi screwed Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie (did I really just type that?) then say so. Might have to put a little over time in on this one.