Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Top ten underrated action/adventure movies

10) Sharky's Machine. (1981. Star: Burt Reynolds, Hotchick: Rachel Ward). Burt Reynolds when he could still pull off a tough guy. Rachel Ward as a high priced hooker on her way to straight up hotness. A movie not set in NYC or LA. Sharky is demoted to vice and he's going to expose political corruption to the city of Hotlanta

What makes it underrated. The scene where Sharky gets his fingers cut off it redefines toughness. It would really cool if I could find a clip of that on the intraweb but evidently none exists.

Hollywood sucks because they are going to remake this. Again, classics cant be done over.

9) Sneakers (1992.Star: Robert Redford, Hotchick: Mary McDonnell) A great movie with a great premise. Redford's company of misfit thieves is hired to steal some super secret code breaking device. It turns out he's been duped by the mob and his old college buddy who he let go to prison years before.

What makes it underrated: The fact that there probably is such a device and that the government is using it this minute to spy on everyone reading this. Mary McConnell is pretty good looking as she was 40 when they made this movie. I know this is a borderline action movie as it is more suspense, but it has a great ending and an all-star cast and while HBO could be playing this, they instead show shitty Jean Claud Van Dam movies.

8) Stargate (1994: Star: Kurt Russell, Hotchick:Mili Avital) A nerdy James Spader (redundant I know) is able to break a 3,000 year old code and travel through space to a different planet that still speaks Egyptian. Even though the evil ruler has the "Stargate", can travel across the galaxy and has some other kickass stuff, the rest of the planet doesn't have running water. Still I like the part about traveling through space in this manner. Pretty cool.

What makes it underrated: Well kind of nothing. I mean, there is a very successful TV series based on the movie but the movie really didn't do a lot at the box office. Also, speaking of underrated, this Mili chick is the goods I'm here to tell you. She hasn't been in anything else I've ever seen but nonetheless she is one hot Jew. There's a lot of hot Jews when you think about.

7) Cliffhanger (1993: Star: Sly Stallone, Hotchick: Janine Turner)
My favorite Sly movie of all time. Well, because of Janine Turner-Gibbs. Wow. How hot is she? And she's a conservative. So some guys steal some money and there are all of these unbelievable climbing sequences. John Lithgow plays a great psycho criminal, Sly has his three word lines. Janine is HOT. I mean like the white hot glow of a thousand suns hot. They get the bad guys and all is well.

Why it's underrated: Well, if you watched any TBS in the late 90's, it was on like three times a week so maybe not so much underrated but a good plot. Sly comes back right at the moment the bad guys hijack the money plane. They survive at 40,000 feet with a sweater and some money to burn. But there's good action, good fight scene's, lots of bad guys getting killed dramatically and most of all Janine effin Turner. Another woman who if she met me would kick whoever she was with right in the nuts and leave with me. God bless her.

6) High Road to China (1983 Star: Tom Selleck Hot Chick: Bess Armstrong) A womanizing pilot is hired by a spoiled millionaires daughter (is there another kind?) to find her nut job of a father. They must fly Tom's bi-plane across China, stopping conveniently for fuel along the way and rescue Armstrong's father played by Wilford Brimley. This is Brimley's first appearance in the top ten.

Why its underrated: Tom Selleck got hosed in the 80's with his Magnum contract. He was supposed to be Indiana Jones, but that didn't happen. He made a couple of good movies in the 80's, this one, Lassiter, Runaway, An Innocent Man but he just couldn't get away from people calling him Magnum. Selleck is awesome and a great cowboy in the westerns he's done. Also Bess Armstrong is a bit of a smokeshow. She's been in a lot of made for TV movies and is very underrated. Looks great at 55 which isn't out of my target age range.

5) Running Scared (1986 Stars: Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines Hotchick (and I use that term loosely) Darlanne Fluegal. Crystal and Hines are semi-womanizing best friends and detective partners in Chicago. They are reckless and at the top of their game. Crystal inherits a bunch of money and decides to retire to Florida but first they have to bust Julio Gonzalez played by a young Jimmy Smits. They bust Julio, save the Windy City from drugs (yay) and Crystal saves his estranged wife Fluegal. Bullets flying everywhere, they decide they would rather be cops in Chicago then chase incredibly hot women in Florida.

Why its underrated: Crystal and Hines actually come off as being semi-believable as cops. They are both funny, not unbelievably tough. Fluegal looks like she might actually consider sleeping with Crystal. But the best part is Dan Hedaya as the Captain. I remember watching this and saying "Holy shit! Its Nick Tortelli" Good times. He's also the evil South American dictator in "Commando" with Arnold. Here's a classic clip from Cheers with Hedaya as Nick Tortelli. The 1:45 mark is classic "even a shot of vitamin Sammy doesn't work that fast" but the ending is classic with Diane wondering what Nick's charm is that's about the 6:45 mark. It's why Cheers is still my favorite. BTW, the blond is Casey Kasum's wife.


4) Gross Pointe Blank (1997 Star: John Cusack, Hotchick:Minnie Driver) Cusack is an independent hitman going back to his 10th class reunion. He is making his last hit then retiring. He meets up with the very beautiful Minnie Driver who is his high school sweetheart and well blah blah. He saves her dad's life, they fall back in love, Dan Akroyd gets killed by a TV and they live happily ever after.

Why its underrated: Its a great premise is mostly why. Martin goes back to his class reunion, there's a contract out on him. He gets in a couple of fights, some shootouts and hey what can I say, I like John Cusack. I really like the part where here dad asks him what he's doing now days "I'm a professional killer" replies Cusack, "Well, it's a growth industry" says Minnie's old man.

3) Lone Wolf McQuade (1983 Star: THE CHUCK NORRIS, Hotchick (kindof) Barbara Carrera) Tagline "The 'Mad Dog' Criminal...The 'Lone Wolf' Lawman...The Ultimate Showdown" Its Chuck Fucking Norris against David Carradine. Was there ever a doubt whose ass was going to get kicked in this? I mean David Carradine? Really? Just because he played a chinamen on TV we're supposed to believe he's tough. McQuade is my favorite Chuck Norris role.

Why its underrated: Chuck Norris doesn't not get the respect he deserves for making a whole bunch of bankable movies where he always kicks ass, but this movie is truly underrated even for Norris. The guy is a bad ass, acts better then have the pussies in hollywood and is a good conservative.

I had to look through a few clips to find my favorites from this movie but here is a youtube that breaks down the entire movie in ten minutes. If you don't want to watch the entire thing then watch the opening minute and a half, go up to the 6:15 mark for the "this is my invitation" scene then watch the last three minutes. If you don't think this is classic cinema then you have a huge dump in your pants.


2) Remo Williams, The Adventure Begins (Star: Fred Ward, Hotchick: None) Fred Ward is a cop who is trained in the Korean are of sinaju. Sinaju is an ancient are of assassination where the victim looks like they died in an accident. Chun is the master of sinaju They are after an evil arms dealer (is there another kind?).

Why its underrated. Are you kidding me? Remo walks on sand, can poke his fingers through military goggles and floats across concrete. Need I say more. BTW, Remo Williams was nominated for an Acadamy Award. This is how much I hate Hollywood. If ever a movie needed a sequel, it was this one. They even have "The adventure begins" in the flippin title and they only give my one movie. Assmunches. Wilford Brimley is Remo's boss making him the only two time entry in the top ten. Here is the other reason its great. Bullet dodging.


1) Streets of Fire (1984 Star: Michael Pare, Super hotchick extraordinaire, the extremely beautimously fantastic Diane Lane) Pare must rescue Diane Lane from Willem Dafoe. Nuff said. Lane is super rock star Ellen Aim of Ellen Aim and the Destroyers. Pare was a big star in the 80's, he is about as good an actor as Keanu Reeves or Ben Affleck but he did star in 10 movies in the 80's and over 20 in the 90's. He rescues Diane Lane as damn well he should have. But he is the quinessential man's man and leaves her with her manager/boyfriend Rick Moranis (yeah, cause that would happen in real life)

Why its underrated: two words DIANE LANE. I thought she was cute in "Six Pack" with Kenny Rogers but she has sex appeal coming from every direction in this flick. Oh and Michael Pare has a great line "The only trouble with beating the shit out of you is that it would be too easy.

Here's the opening scene.


Well that's it. The ten most underrated action/adventure movies of all time. Please, this list is not open to debate.

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