Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I lost 17 pounds in 66 hours and so can you! Part One.

If you ever want to know if a guy used to wrestle, ask him how much he weighs.  If he says "185-190 pounds" he didn't wrestle.  If he says "186 pounds" he was a wrestler.  You see, wrestlers always know how much they weigh to the pound.  At the very least, they know how much they weighed the last time they stepped on a scale.  Every pound matters when you are trying to make weight.  Every quarter pound matters.  This is a story about making weight.  Its about abusing your body for no real good reason (well except to win, I guess that might be a good reason).  It's about the sunny slopes of long ago. Its about the Center of The Universe from here on referred to as COTU.  It's about Malta.

This story contains strong language.  Lots of "f" bombs.  Lots of CAPS for yelling purposes.  Just trying to give you a feel for everything.  It migth get does get kind of long  ( thus the two parts) so grab a glass of Crown your favorite beverage and hopefully you'll enjoy the ride.

I lost 17 pounds in 66 hours and so can you!! Just follow my simple program!

It was Christmas break of my senior year at Malta High School.  The break was well needed and deserved.  We had gotten off to a great start as a team.  An undeafeted dual record and had won the Chinook Invitational and placed second at our own.  ^Sidebar (and they'll be a lot of them) - Chinook won our tournament, they were our arch rivals all through high school which I found bitterly ironic as my dad was born and raised there.^  I went into the break with two losses, both to Duane J from Poplar but more on that later.

Going into the break word got out that a Japanese exchange team would be touring Montana and making two stops.  Two different teams from Montana would be selected to compete against them. Despite wrestling well in the first half of the year, I didn't like my chances.  Those guys (the Japanese, was going to say Japs for short but thought better of it) wrestled freestyle while we wrestled folkstyle or collegiate.  They are very different in technique and scoring.  I hadn't wrestled freestyle since my freshman year.  

During the break Coach Gordon (aka Uncle Gordy, behind his back heeheehee) informed me that I had been selected to represent Montana on one of the two stops.  I was thrilled and surprised at the same time.  I mean, Duane J had beaten me twice and only had one other loss to some kid from Hardin or somewhere in southern Montana. 

^Sidebar -Maybe the reason they selected me was because certain coaches involved in the selection process had seen DJ wrestle and knew that he was a cheating crybaby.  Maybe they watched our championship match in the Malta Invite and saw how he purposely was bringing his arm above a 90 degree angle as I was laying on it and then he would scream in pain.  You cheating little fucker.  You won by two fucking points.  You got four penalty points for your acting (better than Keanu Reeves I must say). 

Here's what happened. I was in the controlling position, had him broken down to his stomach and took his arm behind his back.  I was then laying on it while working on his other arm.  That arm ( behind his back) cannot go above a 90 degree angle otherwise it's a one point penalty.  I wasn't hanging on to it with either of my hands.  He would purposely bring it above a 90 then start screaming.  I would lose a point. Then another.  The third time I put it up there and he faked it, it cost me two points. Another penalty of any kind and I automatically lose.  Maybe that's why I quit trying to pin you DJ you little shit. Maybe that's why I tried pulling your arm out of your socket the rest of the night instead of pinning you. Maybe that's why when we went to Poplar in mid-January I gouged and elbowed and brought up knees and didn't care if I won.  Maybe if you'd have wrestled clean, you wouldn't have had your shoulder operated on after the season was over (true story BTW) YOU F*CKING LOSER!  You're lucky I didn't go all Beowulf/Grendel on your ass. (OK, I just lost everyone from Malta with that reference except Jimmy) But hey, that was a long time ago.  Hope you have your health.  God bless.^

Anyway, I spent part of the break working on some freestyle technique.  I also knew one thing.  These guys ( the Jananese guys) did not have to make weight.  Oh sure, they did when they qualified back home but not when they were touring.  I knew if I kept my weight down, I'd be giving up at least five if not ten pounds.  So I didn't watch my weight.

I was 5'4" back then.  Not near the towering 5'8" I am now.  Still that's at least 2 inches taller than Ralph.  I can eat soup off that guys head (BTW Ghoulies if you even think about making a bad comment, not only will I delete it, I will block you from posting. Love you like a brother though).  So I'm 5'4' and wrestling 105 pounds.  You read that correctly.  As a senior.  Ralph wrestled 112, as a senior but he's tall for a midget.  I forced him up a weight class. Which forced Shoey up as well.  Hey, that's just how it goes sometimes.

Here's the story.  On the Monday after Christmas break, I have to go to Chinook and wrestle the Japanese All Stars.  On Thursday of that same week, I have to have my first of two official weigh-ins for the Cut Bank Invitational.  Cut Bank was the biggest tournament of the year back then excluding the State Tournament. It was a huge mark on my calendar, second only to the state tourney.  I was going to at least place this year.  Hell with that, I think I'll just win the sonafbitch.

Monday night, Chinook gymnasium.  I'll keep this as short as possible. My little Japanese buddy handed me my ass.  I hung with him for a long time but he weighed a lot.  I mean 130-135.  I practiced against guys that heavy in our wrestling room and he felt like he weighed that much.  And he knew freestyle.  I don't count it as an official loss in my career.  That last part isn't up for debate.

So after we wrestled they fed us.  Great spread.  Lots of food. I over did it.  Really. Hard to believe that I would over do anything. Just sayin.  I know my Malta buddies are aghast at that but it's the truth.  We make the 70 mile drive back to Malta.  It's late. Right at midnight.  I don't live far from the school and wanted to check my weight before I went home.  In January we were allowed a two pound "growth allowance".  Although technically you were still listed at 105 pounds, you were allowed to weigh 107.  Not an OUNCE more.

I stepped on the scale. Nothing dropped at 120. Or 122.  One hundred and twenty-four pounds.  Holy shit Chip!  Are you fucking kidding me. I haven't weighed 120 all year. I've dropped 10 in 2 1/2 days but this is almost twice as much.  I am going to have to lose over 1/4 of a pound each hour from now until Thursday...... Let that soak in for a second.

We didn't have a sauna at MHS.  The only way this weight is coming off is if I don't eat or drink anything for the next 66 hours.  Oh, and I'm going to have to work out like a MoFo as well.


Heff said...

The same holds true for boxers, as far as the weight stats.

Thanks for the nice words on my blog. I have NO PROBLEM with Troll Y2K. I simply pulled a prank on him about a month ago, and he didn't appreciate it, lol.

Milk River Madman said...

Heff, good to know.

Pam said...

I used to date a couple of wrestlers back in school. Even back when I weighed little of nothing, they were more obsessed with their weight than me. I understood much later why he was such a cranky guy when I realized all he ever lived on was sugar free jello. They had our guys wrestling at least two weight classes down from normal weight. Except for the heavyweight, of course ...

Milk River Madman said...

Pam, I'll get into the "cranky" in part 2. Suffice it to say that there were a couple of teachers who avoided to calling on Ralph on me because of our attitude. On of them actually referred to us as the "Cambodian brothers". It was different times then.